Make Me Whole
by CrazyNeko09
Summary: Kenny wants to help Butters feel loved again. II Butters x Kenny  Chapter Six will be rated "M", for language.
1. Prolog

Make me whole again

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: K+**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the characters in this story.**

Epilog:

My name is Butters Stotch.  
I´m 16 years old, I have no friends and my parents don´t want me.  
None of that is really new to me, since it´s been this way for, well…16 years now. It´s not that I´m ugly or an asshole, I mean I´m not the most prettiest boy in the world, I have normal blond hair that stops at my shoulders, I am not fat nor am I really skinny and I rather like my eyes, since they are a pretty baby blue.  
I guess the others just don´t like me, because I´m...well me. My parents always told me that I should have never been born and maybe they are right.  
From what I know, no one is perfect in this world, but at least they belong somewhere. Like Stan has Wendy, or Kyle who fell in love with Cartman to everyone's surprise, well I kind of always knew, from the way they were secretly staring at each other when they thought that no one was looking. Well since I am a _nobody_ I guess that really no one saw.  
And Tweek, he has Craig who loves him so dearly. It´s like every one belongs somewhere, everyone except for me.  
I can´t blame them, why would anyone want me? Me the unwanted boy from South Park, Colorado. But sometimes it hurts and I can´t help but wonder "Why me god?".  
Why do I have to be the one that no one cares about?

"Nobody is ever going to love me", that´s what I always believed, _well until I met Kenny, that is._

I love Mondays. I know most people don´t, and the fact that I do probably makes me an even weirder person than I already am, but I hate it at home, so being at school, is like vacation to me.  
Well, that is not entirely true either since no one really likes to talk to me more than they have to, but at least my classmate's can´t ground me for being ugly or simply alive.  
It´s not like I hate my parents, they just seem to hate me.  
**Why?** I have no idea, I just try to stay out of their way as much as I possibly can, so that they don´t have to endure my presence any more than necessary.  
If I had friends, they would probably tell me that this is wrong, that it´s not true that I should have never been born, but since I don´t have any friends, I try to stay invisible as much as possible.  
I used to be really cheery and happy when I was younger, I always tried to make friends that way.  
_I mean who hates a happy person, right?_  
But it only annoyed them even more, so I tried being the quiet one for a while, but that only made them forget me entirely. And since then I have been alone, I´m not even hated by them anymore.  
It´s like I´m not there.

_  
I enter my classroom and just like every day, nobody notices me. I sign and take a seat. The bell will ring in 4 minutes, 4 minutes of boredom and loneliness for me. So I might as well check my homework again.  
I open my backpack and take out my notes about "Bullying in school", a subject that the teachers recently decided on, since another teenager nearly took her life, after Eric was done with picking on her. I try to avoid him as best as I can. Even though he never talks to me or tries to flush my head in the toilet, he still scares me.  
3 minutes. Why can´t the lesson begin already? I hate this part of school, when everybody is talking with their friends, laughing, exchanging messages from cell phones and giving out invitations to parties.  
It proofs me even more that I don´t belong anywhere. But as always I try to ignore them by flipping the page and reading through the article again.  
A hand lands onto my shoulder and I cringe. _Please don´t let it be Eric._  
If I show up with a blue eye, my parents surely will ground me. Scared I turn around. But instead of a grinning Cartman, I see Kenny standing behind me. He doesn't smile, but he doesn't seem mad either. I decide that I am not in trouble and fake a small smile.  
"Why, hello there Kenny? Is there something that I can help you with?".  
He pulls the hood of his orange parker down, to speak I assume, since only Stan and Kyle seem to be able to understand him, when he is wearing that…thing.  
"The homework? Have you done it?", he looks troubled, always looking to his side.  
Maybe he´s scared that others will see him talking to me. I grab my notes and hold them out to him. He lets out a sign of relief.  
"Thank you man, you really saved me. If Mr. Garrison found out that I slept through his lessons again, I would be screwed", he smiles.  
He actually smiles at me. I blush. No one has ever smiled at me in ages, laughed about me, yes, but an honest smile? Never.  
"No Pro-lem Kenny. I always like to help a…ehmm classmate".  
I don´t dare to spell the word friend, for fear that he might stop looking at me like I´m actually a living person.  
"Just tell me if there´s ever something that I can do for you", he starts to walk away, but I stop him.  
"No that´s quite alright. The others might notice you talking to me again". He turns around. "Excuse me?". Oh shit. I´ve done something to annoy him.  
"I´m sorry, I just thought that you…er…the others they don´t like me. If you talk to me they might start to dislike you too". He looks astounded by my words. Then he looks at the clock.  
"What are you doing after school Butters?".  
"What?". He looks a bit annoyed at that.  
"Come on Butters, I don´t have time all day. Are you free after school or not?".  
Is he asking me to spend time with him? Or maybe he is asking me to do his homework, since he will forget it anyway.  
"Yes, I guess, but if it´s about your homework…".  
He rolls his eyes at my remark.  
"It´s not about homework". I look down, embarrassed.  
" I´ll see you after school, alright?"; he says a bit softer this time, when he notices that I am about to apologize again.  
He walks to his seat not waiting for my answer and begins to copy my homework into his own notebook. _Did that really just happen? _


	2. Chapter One

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: K+**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the characters in this story.**

**Chapter One**

Kenny McCormick is THE _playboy_ of SouthPark High School, everyone knows that.  
Since he came out as bi, he has started to date a lot of different people. No girl is able to resist his charm and as for the boys, well they are a) _curious_ or b) _gay_ and totally head over heels in love with Kenny's looks.  
There are many rumors about him like: that he started smoking when he was 12 and that he was the first one to really start dating more than one girl, but I think the last one is a lie.  
Kenny may be a playboy, but he never intends to hurt the person he dates that also includes not dating more than one girl or boy at the same time.  
That and many other good and not so good things, I heard about Kenny. It is hard to avoid the blonde, since he is school royalty. Everyone knows him and mostly everyone wants to be best friends with him…or more.  
So why would Kenny want to hang out with me? He could spend his time with every girl and every boy in school, so why ask me?

When school ends I slowly collect all my things and stuff them back in my blue bag.  
I'm nervous and I want to buy some time before I have to face Kenny. I'm still unsure as to why, he asked me. Maybe he really just wants to be nice? But it seems very unlikely. When people avoid you for over 4 years you tend to at least mistrust their intensions a little bit when they suddenly turn up and ask you to spend time with them.  
But Kenny has never been mean to me and so I decide to give him at least some credit. I look around the small class room. Almost everyone has already left.  
_Is Kenny also already gone?_ But then I see him leaning in the doorframe, he looks bored.  
Oh my god, he is really waiting for me, isn't he? I stand up, take my school backpack in both hands and hurry over to where he stands.  
"Erm…I'm sorry I made you wait. I thought that you may have already left.", I look at him apologizing.  
He smiles and ruffles a hand through my hair.  
"Stop talking nonsense Butters. If I say that I'll wait then I will wait. Are you coming?", he takes his hand away and walks into the hallway.  
I blink for a second, still taken aback from the gentle touch, I'm so not used to.  
Then I nod, more to reassure myself than him, not caring if he sees and hurry after him.  
It's so odd to walk next to someone, when you normally walk through the hallway's alone. But of course Kenny is used to the feeling, so I pretend not to care either.  
I glance at him from the side, when I'm totally sure he is not looking. Kenny and I actually have a lot in common. His hair is the same blond color than mine, my hair is longer though.  
We are both very slim, but his shoulders are wider than mine and his eyes are a pretty green. I don´t know if he's wearing lenses, but the color fits him, so I don't care.  
I shake my head a little to clear my thoughts when I hear Kenny talking.  
"Have you eaten anything yet?".  
I think about this, before I finally decide on what to answer.  
"No, I overslept today, so I didn't have enough time to make myself some breakfast", I don´t mention that my parents yelled at me again and that that originally was the reason for me to leave home so early, that I didn't have time to finish my lunch.  
"Perfect, I don't have much money with me, but I guess I can treat you to some homemade cooking", he smiles as we walks out of school and guides me though the neighborhood.  
"You can cook?", I certainly didn't expect that.  
"Yes, don't you?", he laughs when he sees my face.  
"Yeah, I can cook, but with me it's kind of necessary, because my parents are always away".  
Not true again, they just don't like to cook.  
"Aww, poor Butters, playing housewife all day, huh? Though, I bet you look cute in an apron", he grins.  
I can't stop the mayor blush that is starting to build itself on my face when he whispers the words, loud enough for only me to hear.  
_Is he flirting with me?_ No, he's merely mocking me, right? Yes, that must be it.  
"I don't wear aprons Kenny", I mutter embarrassed, "They make me look girly".  
"Well you are girly Butters, but that's okay. It's one of your good qualities I guess", he stops and I nearly bump into him.  
He must really stop saying such things, doesn't he know what he's doing to me? Or maybe that's why he's doing it, to embarrass me.  
I mean I know that I'm not exactly manly, but does he have to rub it in?  
"We´re here, that's where I live right now", I look up at that.  
The flat is pretty. It's painted in a dark blue and the windows are huge and welcoming. There's no garden, or other expensive things, but I know that Kenny doesn't have much money, and it honestly doesn't matter to me anyway. I envy him for having his own flat. Freedom that I can only dream of.  
"I know it's not much, but I like it", he shrugs and pulls out an old looking key.  
"No it's quite alright. It's a really pretty flat Kenny".  
He quirks an eyebrow at that, but when he sees that I'm not making fun of him, he smiles and opens the door. _Here we go._

**A/N: Thank you lazydrawing for your kind advise :) I'm from Germany, and I just recently started writting English fanfics, so I had no idea that it's written "'" instead of "`". **


	3. Chapter Two

Make me whole again

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: K+**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story. **

**Chapter Two**

Kenny opens the door and we enter his flat. It's warm in here, so I decide to take off my coat.  
Nervously I search the room for any kind of wardrobe, but instead of a tiny cupboard and an old looking guitar the corridor looks rather empty. I glance to the side to see if Kenny is also taking of his jacket, but since he's only wearing a pullover, I guess he doesn't need to.  
Great, I try not to think about, how stupid I must look right now, with my coat in both hands and me staring at Kenny like I'm waiting for him _to undress_.  
I want to ask him, but before I can even think of a question that would make me look less dumb, he's already laughing about my uneasiness.  
"Do you need any help?", he smirks, leaning against the wall.  
I nod, before I can stop myself. _Oh, well done Butters._ Now he must really think that you're pathetic. I can already imagine him throwing me out, because he's sick of my clumsiness, but instead of a smug remark, he stops leaning against the wall and walks toward me.  
I try not to look too nervous as he approaches me, but he still sees through my mask. Shaking his head he takes my coat from my wide outstretched hands.  
"You could have asked me you know. I know that you're normally pretty nervous, but I'm not gonna bite you Butters. I'm not going to say anything mean to you either. You can relax when you're with me", he offers me a sad smile. "You can trust me".  
Already, I feel like an idiot. I'm not sure if he really means that, but I also don't think that he's lying, he really looked disappointed. As if he wanted me to trust him, like I hurt him by being so nervous and distant. I don't know what to say.  
I don't want him to think that I´m ungrateful, but what do you say when someone says something so unbelievably nice to you?  
Do you smile, or do you thank him? I wish I knew what to do in such a situation, but I don't and so I only nod while looking at my hands.  
He sighs and I automatically regret not having said anything. But it's too late now, he's already walking away.

I decide to follow him through the wooden door. Still not feeling any less uncomfortable, I enter what I think is supposed to be the living room. There is a huge couch, a TV-set and a table with some magazines on it. The room looks messy, tons of clothes and coke-cans are lying on the ground. But the warm sunlight that floods through the huge windows makes up for the mess. The couch looks clean though, so I decide to take a seat next to Kenny.  
It's awkward to sit so close to him, but I've already made an idiot of myself twice today, so I decide not to let my uneasiness show as I sit down next to him.  
Groggily I let myself fall against the backrest of the couch, while I cross my legs in front of me. When I'm sure that I'm sitting comfortable, I turn around to look at Kenny, who is still not looking at me. He has his hands folded in his lap, his eyes staring at the ground.  
"What is it with you Butters?", he barely whispers the words, but I still hear them.  
Whatever it is that I excepted him to say, I surely didn't except this.  
"I don't know what you mean Kenny…are you…are you mad at me for some reason?"  
"I´m not mad, just trying to figure you out. I mean you´re always alone in school and you use to have this sad look in your eyes like you're about to cry.  
You never say anything, yet you always make the best out of everything. I just never thought that you were this unhappy, you know? Back then you were always smiling, but now you're like a totally different person. You're not the Butters that you used to be…", he stops talking to look at me before he continues "...but I want you to know, that even though I didn´t realize it sooner, I'm here for you if you want to talk", his eyes aren't leaving my gaze for one second, as if his life depends on my answer, when in reality it doesn't.  
I can't describe what exactly it is that I felt when I heard Kenny say that. I mean, my whole life I was always convinced that everybody hates me or that they ignored me on purpose.  
And now, Kenny who has tons of friends and people who love him, talks to me like I'm one of his friends and tells me, right out of nowhere, that he "sees" me.  
I mean what happened to being the_ invisible boy_ that nobody cares about? Why would someone like Kenny waste his time watching me?  
And If he does, why can't the others? I try to be as honest as I can when I finally answer his question.  
"You wouldn´t understand. You have a girlfriend, your friends, everybody likes you. You don´ t know what it´s like when no one loves you. I just wanted to fit in, but nobody wants me, no matter what I try it's never enough", I try to hold back the tears. **"I hate it Kenny!**".  
His arms wrap themselves around my waist and he pulls me close. I don't even try to pull away and suddenly the closeness becomes rather comforting.  
"Shh, it's okay, I'm here for you". I bury my head in his T-Shirt and finally let my tears flow.

**A/N: And now I wanna' use this little space to thank some awesome reviewers who made my day :) **

**Big Thanks to ****512SouthParkRockerGirl135, because that was an awfully sweet comment you wrote there!**

**Another Thank you goes to: ****kylebrittain****, your comment was so sad and honest! Believe me I know what you're going through right now, I also wrote you a message, if you haven't already read it. :3**

**And thank you (again) to ****A.C. Lucius****, who hopefully isn't mad that I deleted the previous chapter where I publicly thanked her for the first time. I haven't forgotten you, I just had to re-write some parts of my story :)**

**And thank you ****HollipopxX**** for your comment , it's good to know that somebody actually believes that I'm getting better at this , like I said, English isn't my first language, **_**so please everyone bear with me. I know I still make some (a lot) grammar mistakes.**_


	4. Chapter Three

Make me whole again

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: K+**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the characters in this story.**

**Chapter 3**

One hundred tears, fifty handkerchiefs and a pot of Ben and Jerry's later I'm finally able to form normal sentences again.  
I still sniff a bit and the handkerchiefs are still in my reach, but I already feel a lot better.  
Even now it's hard to believe that I´m actually sitting on Kenny's couch, covered in a blanket that Kenny brought me the moment I started to shiver, probably mistaken my shaking for feeling cold.  
Or maybe he somehow knew that what I needed most at that moment was something warm and comfortable to calm myself. Some kind of warmth to fill the big gap in my heart.  
He could have just left me alone at that point, for he had already done so much for me, but he just sat there embracing me and whispering soothing words that I can't possibly all remember.  
But that's exactly what I want, to remember every single nice words leaving his lips and brand them into my heart.  
I don't know if I will hear such gentle words again any time soon and I'm scared that I'll forget them.  
That this moment and all my memories will just vanish and I wake up to find myself alone in my room again.  
"Oww", but a sudden pain brings me back to reality, making sure that I know, that this is not a dream.  
I place my hand on my hip, rubbing the place where Kenny just poked me, hard.  
"Why…did you do that?", I nervously look at him, not sure how to interpret the act.  
He grins, poking my nose this time, but not so rough, just barely touching it. I still blink.  
Just when I´m about to open my eyes again, he places his hand above my eyes, making it impossible for me to see anything.  
"Kenny?", I could easily take his hand away, but I leave it there. Not even sure myself why I do so.  
It just feels right, to trust Kenny. He's a….my friend isn't he? Friends wouldn't so something that would harm one another. And Kenny has proven more than once that he cares about me.  
So I decide to surprise him, by not doing anything. Not shying away, or stuttering and showing him any kind of uneasiness.  
"You´re not moving Butters", his voice sounds pleased.  
Like I finally solved a really hard puzzle or some kind of quiz.  
"I know. And it feels good…to trust I mean. I can trust you right?", the words come out more hushed than I wanted them to be.  
This question means so much to me, yet I can't be sure that it'll mean the same to him.  
_What does trust mean to Kenny?  
_But I don't get an answer, instead he chuckles and leans his head against mine, our noses brushing.  
I let out a surprised gasp, nearly forgetting not to move.  
That's what this is all about right? Trust.  
He's doing this to see if I'll shy away again. But I'm not going to, not this time.  
I can feel his breath against my face and his hair tickling me just a little. All of this is so new to me.  
This feeling of closeness, of being convinced that Kenny doesn't mean me any harm and that I can believe in him. It's so weird, but oh so mind-blowing.  
I don't even question his intensions, as to why he is so close to me, he's just testing me right? That's what friends do, or not?  
But the next question takes me by surprise.  
"Have you ever kissed someone Butters?".  
Of course I didn't. Who could I have probably kissed or better who would have _let_ me kiss them?  
But I'm not sure if I want to admit that yet. It could destroy the moment we have right now, making him realize that I'm really just some friendless looser.  
"Of course I have…I mean I'm sixteen right? So I should have had my first kiss already, huh. What a funny question Kenny". I stumble upon my own words and I know that they sound fake, but what else can I do? Admit that I will probably never receive my first kiss, because I'm merely hated?  
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about you know? You don't have to pretend Butters", he laughs, his face still close to mine and I can't help but shiver from the sensation of him breathing down my neck. I squirm a bit wanting to escape the ticklish feeling, but he doesn't let me and I begin to think that he finds this situation rather amusing, because he lets out a really long breath, teasing me and making me giggle.  
"I wasn't lying…stop…please sto..op", I manage to say as another wave of air makes me chuckle.  
"Not lying, hm?", he stops his attack to speak, " So then why don't you tell me about your experiences Buttercup? Or better, why don't you _demonstrate_ them to me?".  
He takes his hand away and I blush. _Buttercup?_  
"You can open them, you know?".  
But I'm not going to, how can I look him in the eyes now? That was a joke _right_?  
No reason to get so worked up, Butters! Or to blush like some crazy schoolgirl who receives her first love letter.  
Slowly I open my eyes and try to look calm. It's not working, though.  
How could I be calm with Kenny's face just millimeters away and him talking about kissing?  
Nervously I stare at his lips, how many girls have already fantasized about this chance, how many boys have lost their selves in those blue eyes?  
"Why so nervous Butters, I thought you've done this before. Surely this will be no problem at all for you, right?", I don't have to look at his eyes to know that they have a teasingly gleam in them right now. Provoking me to do something I've never done and he knows that. I can hear it in his voice, he knows that I'm lying.  
Of course Kenny would know, he's an expert at this kind of thing.  
He titles his head a bit and I freeze, his lips barely touching mine, not moving just lingering there.  
"Why don't you just admit that you lied?", his voice is soft as he talks against my lips with a calmness as if he is talking about the weather. _How did it come to this?_

**A/N: I just love cliffhangers, don't you ;)?  
This chapter is for Kylee Carr , because she oh so_ kindly_ told me to update soon :P**

**Til next chapter :) Oh and also: if you have any ideas or wishes for the story, feel free to write them down, maybe I'll put them in the next chapter.**

**Kenny**

_Butters _

_I don't want this moment to ever end,  
Where everything's nothing without you.  
_**I'd wait here forever just to, to see you smile,  
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you.  
**  
**Through it all, I've made my mistakes.**  
_I stumble and fall, but I mean these words._

_I want you to know,  
With everything I won't let this go.  
_**These words are my heart and soul.**  
_I'll hold on to this moment, you know,  
__**As I bleed my heart out to show,  
**_**And I won't let go.**

T**his song totally reminded me of the situation the characters are recently going through in this chapter : ) It´s "With me" by Sum 41**


	5. Chapter Four Part One

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: T**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the Characters in this story.**

**Chapter: Four**

I don't dare to close my eyes. I'm still flustered, confused and a bit taken aback.  
Kenny seems cool though, smirking and waiting.  
I know that we both know that I lied.  
It's embarrassing, I'm aware of that. I'm almost 17 and still haven't kissed a girl…or boy.  
I stare at his lips, wondering if it might be different from kissing a female.  
Will Kenny's lips leave me breathless and will I feel butterflies rumbling through my belly?  
Or will it be nothing like this and I'll just feel empty afterwards. Will he laugh at me if I just let go and kiss him? Maybe I'll do it wrong and that's why he'll laugh.  
Then again, just be honest with yourself Butters, when will you ever get a chance like this again?  
I can feel his hand on my waist, lingering there; pulling me closer and I shiver.  
_Now or never…right?_  
Slowly I close my eyes and close what little distance there is between his waiting lips. I can feel him stiff, like he didn't except this.  
Now it's my turn to smile!  
I giggle, beginning to move away again, when his hand lands on the back of my head and pulls me deeper into the kiss. I let out a surprised sigh when he moves his lips against mine. Clumsily I try to kiss him back, already feeling hot all over and hating myself for it. How can a kiss do that to me? When he's about to part my lips I jump back.  
Leaning against the arm chair, I look at him. Breathing hard and probably blushing all over.  
He licks his lips and smiles down at me.  
"Ouch, am I really such a bad kisser that you'd have to jump to the other side of the sofa Butters?".  
I glare at him. "We both know that that's not why I stopped ...the kiss. You…you used your _tongue_".  
I whisper the last words not wanting to say them out loud. And he starts to laugh.  
He actually laughs at me, or better about me.  
"It's called a "French-kiss" Butters and of course I'd use _my tongue_", he winks at me and adds: "When you so openly kissed me with those fierce eyes, I just couldn't resist".  
Okay that's it! I'm leaving, if the only reason why I'm here is to get laughed at, I might as well go back home.  
I stand up, not looking back. "Well thanks for nothing Kenny".

**Kenny's Pov:**

He's doing it again. Holding the doorknob in both hands he slowly tries to open the door.  
But walking away from everything won't get him anywhere.  
It's one of the reasons why people bully him. He's too nice, he never gets angry and he's naïve.  
But that makes him even more loveable. The way he smiles at me, when I'm merely being nice to him or all the times that he looked over thinking I didn't notice. I'm used to people staring at me, spreading rumors and talking behind my back, but Butters watching me, never bothered me, it just made me notice him.  
I'm not even trying to deny that I'm interested in the little blond. It's not what he needs right now though. He doesn't need me, not like this. What my shy little plaything need's is a friend. I'm not good at this stuff and I probably already screwed up anyway, but hey, how could I know that he'd actually kiss me back?  
I can still feel his lips on mine. I've kissed so many boys, but I can't remember that it ever felt like this. Kissing Butters was different. Maybe because he had no experience even though he still tried to deny that, the kiss taught me better. Little Buttercup had no experience in love whatsoever. But even though the idea of me teaching him everything makes me feel warm all over, I easily erase that thought.  
A friend, that's what I would be to him.  
No idea how I would do that, with me wanting to get into the boys pants all the time, but I'd try.  
I smirk:" Get back here blondie, we need to talk".__

The first person I ever fell for must never know what he means to me, for he deserves someone sooo much better.

**A/N: Exams are taking all my time at the moment, sorry that it took so looooong :) I know this chapter is small , but I wanted to at least post "the kiss" and a bit of Kenny's thoughts.  
I'll finish the chapter next week :) so it shouldn't take too long.  
**


	6. Chapter Four Part Two

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: K+**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the characters in this story.**

**Make me whole again**

"Come back here Blondie, we need to talk", Kenny screams after me. My old self would have done what he said, I would have been afraid of him being mad so of course I'd obey.  
But after having said so much and after crying and realizing that my life needed to change, I didn't hesitate, I just walked through the door.  
Butters Stotch is not weak, I know a lot of people think otherwise, but I'd proof them different. Having spotted my shoes which I of course had taken off earlier, I slowly begin to put them on. They aren't fancy, not like Kenny's, they are plain black shoes with laces, but I honestly don't care, plus they are comfortable, so who cares?  
Standing on my own two feet again I begin to look around the floor again, noticing a picture, I hadn't seen before. Probably because I was too nervous back then. It's on the left side of the wall, a small family portrait.  
Kenny's father looks rather sober, which surprises me and his mothers hair is short and shiny, not like her long and filthy hair right now. She smiles and is holding a small Kenny in her arms. He must have not been older than one year, because his younger brother is not on the picture.  
It was probably not taken in South Park, there is a huge field with various flowers and a little farmhouse in the background.  
A happy family.  
"That was us back then", I jump when I hear Kenny's voice behind me.  
"I know it's hard to believe right?", he laughs, but I can hear a bit of sadness in his voice.  
"You look happy", I whisper, not taking my eyes of the portrait.  
"We were happy I guess, I was too young to remember it anyway. My father and my mom had a little house back then. Of course they weren't rich, but at least we had enough money to get by.  
Mom did the housework and my dad had a job at the supermarket. Pretty normal life I'd say".  
I swallow trying to imagine a younger Kenny in a farm house, his mother being funny and sweet, his father working and hanging around with the other dad's on a sunday evening watching football. But the picture just won't materialize.  
I turn around. He looks much older when he's sad. Everything he had to go through in his life, all the pain, is evident on his face. Life has left it'scars on Kenny, some visible others hidden.  
I notice the way his hands form themselves to fists, probably because he's remembering something painful.  
And then I realize, no matter how much bad things have happened to me, no matter how often my parents yell at me, I will always have it better than Kenny.  
My parents weren't drunk every night, I always had enough food and I never had to worry that we wouldn't be able to pay the rent.  
Isn't it better to be ignored by your classmates, then to be made fun of because you're poor?  
Kenny has never cried, he is strong, he got himself a job and moved out of his parents place.  
He may be a slut, but maybe he's only doing it, because he's doesn't want to be alone too.  
"Or maybe," I think, "he just wants to drown his own feelings and pretend like he doesn't care about love".  
I take his trembling hand in mine. He smiles and tightens the grip.  
"What happened?".  
"You mean to that happy family that we used to be? How we ended up almost being homeless? You probably want to hear a fancy story of how unfair life can be and how someone robed us, but reality isn't like this.  
It's simple, my dad lost his job, we couldn't pay for the house anymore, my brother was born and there simply wasn't enough money for all of us anymore. At first my father tried to search for another job, but he got tired of that idea soon enough and started drinking. They were always fighting back then, not that that has changed much huh? Anyway, that's when my mom started the drinking too".  
He's angry I can see that.  
"I'm sorry Kenny, for everything", before I add, "for being selfish and crying on your couch".  
But he shakes his head. "Some people are stronger than others. I'm fine Butters, you're the one that needs help".  
And then he carefully pushes me against the wall, pressing his body against mine. He`s not doing anything, just leaning against me, his head resting on my shoulder.  
"You're lying", I mutter smiling, "even someone like you wants to be comforted".  
He smiles," Oh shut up, Butters".


	7. Chapter Five

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: T**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the Characters in this story.**

**Chapter: Five**

It's late when I get back, almost ten o'clock. I don't have to worry getting in trouble though. My parents didn't even notice my absence, because when I enter the kitchen they just look at me for a second before they continue their fight. Mom is yelling at my dad, calling him an idiot, who won't be able to pay the rent if he doesn't try harder in his job, my father rolls his eyes, telling her to shut up, reminding her that he's the one who earns the money, not her.  
And that's when I decide to go upstairs, grabbing a coke on my way there. This is pretty much a normal evening at my house. Normally it involves me making dinner, because mom is too tired to do anything in the kitchen. But today I really don't want to. They have probably ordered some pizza when they noticed the lack of food anyway.  
My room looks messy. Even worse than Kenny's, but with less personal things in it.  
I have a normal sized bed, not like Kenny's that is probably made for two persons, with books lying on top of the mattress and a TV remote, which belongs to a old TV-station. I have a blue carpet which matches to my blue walls, but it's not visible, under all those clothes right now.  
There's also a cupboard and lot of pictures that I drew myself. I love drawing people, but I also like drawing flowers. I like how they don't move and I have all the time I need to copy them on my white paper.  
Sighing I walk over the mess on the floor. I let myself fall on my bed and close my eyes.  
I kissed Kenny McCormick! I still can't believe it. Butters Stotch kissed Kenny.  
My lips on his, I remember the feeling, the taste and I smile.  
When I left Kenny's flat, we didn't kiss like in those movies where the boy kisses the girl goodbye, but at least I got his cell phone number.  
"I want you to call me when someone is being mean to you again", and when he saw my disappointed look he added, "You can also call me when you just 'wanna talk Butters , you don't have to wait 'til something happens before you can call me. When you want to hang out again, just say so".  
Hanging out with Kenny? That sounded wonderful.

The next day I walk to school like every day. Like nothing had changed, when in reality _everything_ has changed. I changed, somehow and it's all thanks to Kenny.  
I'm not a totally different person now, but I'm someone who won't give up, who'll fight. And knowing that is scary. It's so different from feeling numb and being about to give up every day.  
The others won't have changed though, they aren't going to start liking me just because I magically started thinking that my life isn't worthless anymore. I'd have to prove them that Butters Stotch is someone you want to keep company, someone you want as a friend.  
And honestly? I have no idea how. Like how do you do that?  
They probably don't even know me any better than they know their hairdresser, then again everyone talks to their hairdresser. Bad example.  
_**Baaam**_. I ran into something. Rubbing my nose I notice that it doesn't hurt that much, which means that whatever I came across with was something soft, or better someone soft. Someone with a big belly to land on. Oh shit. I stumbled across Eric. Nervously I mumble an apology before I look up, hoping that he won't be mad. But I'm not so lucky.  
"Look what we've got here. Little faggot trying to pick a fight? Well you picked the wrong guy, give me your bag", he smirks an evil smile.  
"My bag?...", I start to look to the side, searching for an escape chance.  
"Yes Butters, is something wrong with you ears, want me to fix them for you, and maybe your face too? Looks like I need to teach you a lesson, last chance, bag or new face", he laughs grabbing my arm and pulling me closer. "It's your choice".  
It hurts where he grabs me, even though Cartman is way far from being thin, he's not weak, under all those clothes there are actually some well hidden muscles, but since he was fat once, a lot of people still mistake it for fat.  
I can't give him my schoolbag, my money and my cell phone, with Kenny's number in it is in there. Why would he want it anyway?  
But before I can ask him he already snatched the bag away from my hands, not without hurting me in the progress and I wince. Oh please let this be a dream.  
"Well well, let's see", he opens the zipper and looks inside. Carelessly he throws some of my schoolbooks on the wet street, I shriek and try to pick them up, but his grip is tight.  
Eventually he found my purse, taking all the money out of it, he smiles. Please, don't find my cell phone. Take the money but don't…..but of course he does.  
Waving it in front of me, he rolls his eyes.  
"That's pretty old Butters. Who has still cell phones like that? It's not like you need it anyway, hm? Who would you call?", he says, pressing the button to reach the last person I called, to repeat the call. Oh no!  
"This is probably you're mothers number. 'Wanna say hi from me?", but he stops laughing when he hears the voice on the other end.  
"Butters, I didn't think you'd call me again so soon. Getting used to hearing my voice?", Kenny smiles, I can hear that from the way he's talking, and how his voice turns from amused to concerned a second later.  
"Is everything alright with you?". Cartman tries to hang up, but before he can do I still mutter the words loud enough for Kenny to hear.  
"Help. Catman is….", … bullying me again, but the call is already disconnected.  
"Little fucker, trying to tell on me!".


	8. Chapter Six

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: M (swearing and a bit of violence (NOTHING serious ! :) ) **

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the Characters in this story.**

**Chapter: Six**

"Little fucker, trying to tell on me!", my cell phone hits the ground.  
I hear the loud "crack" it makes when it breaks, but I don't look down.  
I don't dare to take my eyes of Cartman, whose grip on me is tightening.  
He looks furious and I can't help, but wonder if I just made a big mistake.  
"You really think he'll come to your rescue?", his expression is changing from angry to amused. "Kenny is screwing a lot of whores, that doesn't mean he cares for them. Be lucky he even touches you".  
He pushes me away and I stumble. I'm trying to move a few steps away, but he shoves me again.  
"Not so fast Butters, just because you're doing it with one of my friends, doesn't mean I'll let you leave just like that", he grabs me by the T-shirt and I'm helpless.  
I wince and close my eyes.  
"We were just talking, he was merely being nice, that's why he gave me his number".  
Cartman laughs and I cringe.  
"Why would Kenny waste his time with you? That poor kid has more friends then you'll ever have. He doesn't need a helpless little shit like you, otherwise it's for sex, that is. So don't lie to me, he's screwing you isn't he?", the more he says the angrier he gets.  
"No!", I'm not ready to admit something I haven't done yet.  
"I told you not to lie", he shoves me again and this time, eyes still closed and not expecting the blow, I can't stop myself from falling. I land on the tarmac, hard.  
It hurts so much that I forget how to breathe for a second.  
But the memory returns quickly. Breathing out haltingly, I try not to let a tear escape. I glare at Cartman, pure hatred visible in my eyes.  
I've never done anything to him, yet he thinks he can treat me like this, just because he thinks he's stronger than me.  
"Aw, don't look at me like this, come I'll help you up", he grabs my hands pulling me up roughly and I yelp. I must have scratched them up when I fell.  
This time I can't stop a single tear from rolling down my cheek.  
I hate Cartman, I hate him so much, for making me feel like this. Like I'm some stupid object that he can toss around.  
But I'm _not _an item, I have feelings and he should know that. And it's time that he realizes, that I won't let him treat me like this anymore.  
It takes all the strength I have left to pull my hands out of his grip, he looks astonished, that I tried to block him and I use this moment to form my right hand into a fist. Clumsily I aim at his face, half closing my eyes in the progress, because in all honesty, I'm all against violence. My fists hit home and Cartman curses.  
"Fuck, tell me, you didn't just do this".  
He touches his nose and I can see a bit of blood, oh god, I'm really going to be sick, but Cartman seems to have other plans for me.  
"Consider yourself dead Butters Stotch", and that's when he lungs out.

-

"Cartman, what the hell are you doing?", surprised I open my eyes.  
Kyle runs to our side, he's out of breath when he reaches us.  
Cartman looks surprised for a moment and his grip on me loosens, but he's an expert at this, so it only takes him a few seconds to pull it together.  
"Stay out of this Jew". His expression has turned back to normal, although his voice is softer when he talks to Kyle.  
"Don't you dare call me that Eric. I have no idea what's gotten into you suddenly, but I'm sure that Butters isn't in the wrong here".  
He sees all my things lying on the ground and sighs.  
"Cartman, stop it, please".  
Even though Kyle and Cartman are kind of going out, their relationship is far from normal. They still call each other names and are mad at each other for no reason, but they don't mean it that way. At least that's what I always thought, but seeing Cartman now, standing in front of Kyle, not moving an inch and glaring at him, I'm not so sure anymore.  
Kyle lightly shoves Cartman away from me, but Cartman grabs him and holds his wrists.  
"Don't tell me what to do Kyle", he's serious.  
And Kyle seems seriously scared. I put my hand on his arm and turn to Cartmans direction.  
"Cartman, you don't really want to do that…".  
"You two have no idea what I want!", he shoves Kyle hard and we both stumble. I catch him before he falls and he mumbles a little "thanks", before facing Cartman again.  
"Fuck you Cartman", he looks so disappointed when he continues to speak, "You don't have to worry about me telling you what to do anymore, go and find someone else to order around".  
Cartman snorts, "You don't get to break up with me Kyle, cause you're not the one making the decisions' anymore".  
He takes a few steps forward and reaches for Kyle's arm. But I pull him away before Cartman can get hold of him.  
"Stop getting in the way Butters, Kyle's going to leave with me now", he looks furious.  
The old Butters would have been scared, but I'm not the old Butters anymore and Kyle needs help more than I do at the moment.  
I still can't believe that he stood up for me, we've barely talked to each other even though we go to the same school.  
"I'm not going anywhere with you Cartman".  
"We'll see about that". Eric laughs.

**A/N:** Awww, again a cliffhanger ;) I'm getting used to those. I really tried to keep the "violence" in this chapter to a minimum. No one was seriuosly hurt, even though Kyle really does seem heartbroken. :( But don't worry, Kyle will also get a happy end , I already have something planed for him. II There was no Kenny in this chapter, OMG, that hasn't happened before, but don't worry, he WILL come to Butters rescue. I didn't want him to show up the very first second and I wanted to show how Butters slowly finds new courage to fight.  
Also I had to include Kyle into the story, he's going to be important for later chapters. :)

Thanks ** ladylove1335 **for always commenting on every chapter :) That's soo sweet.  
And thank you **Kylee Carr** , I love reading your comments, cause they make me smile :3 The way you're always saying what you're thinking and not just writting "Please update soon".  
And last but not least **Nadine Schiffer. **Thank you honey, for commenting on my story. To hear that you like my story makes me happy :) We've been friends for so long now, I sill remeber when you wrote your first poem and fanfiction. 3


	9. Chapter Seven

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: M (swearing and mild violence) **

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the Characters in this story.**

**Chapter: 7**

I can see that Kyle is nervous. He doesn't know how far Cartman will go and that scares him. To see the person you love act like this, that he's willing to hurt you, is worse than any physical pain.  
How I know all of this?  
Well if the look in his eyes doesn't say it all then my own experience tells me.  
Again, I feel this weird hatred toward Cartman, for making Kyle feel like this. He thinks he has power over us, but that's not true. What he has is a huge ego, but that's all.  
Still Eric is very big and he has more experience in fighting than I do. Thinking that we'll get out of this situation without trouble would be foolish. We need a plan.  
I stare at Cartman, bracing myself for his next move.  
If he'll come for me, maybe Kyle can get away, but I doubt it. Right now what he wants is Kyle.  
I still have my hand wrapped around his arm, just in case Cartman tries to grab him again.  
"Enough already!", Cartman takes a step forward, fist clenched.  
I try to pull Kyle away, but he won't move. Maybe he still believes that Cartman won't hit him. I'm not that optimistic though.  
So before Eric can hit him, I shove myself in front of Kyle, my arms wide outstretched and my eyes shut close.  
I hear the crack, as the fist makes contact with skin, but the pain won't come. Then I hear someone wince.  
Scared that Cartman had somehow hit Kyle I hastily open my eyes. But Kyle hasn't moved an inch yet, instead I see Eric kneeling on the ground rubbing his head and cursing. To my surprise I see Kenny standing in front of him, he doesn't look at me, when he kicks Cartman in the ribs. It takes me a second to realize what's going on, but when I finally do I run to his side in shock.  
"Kenny stop", I wrap my arms around his waist, wanting nothing more than for him to stop. Even if it's Cartman, I don't want Kenny to hurt him, to hurt anyone.  
I can't bear to see him like this. He shouldn't have to do this for me.  
He's shaking, with anger now so I tighten my grip. "Please".  
"You all think you can treat Butters like shit, hm? Well let me tell you and the rest of the world something Cartman, I will not let this happen, if you want to get to Butters, you'll have to get to me first", Kenny is furious, but to my surprise he stops hitting Eric. He takes a step back and finally looks at me.  
He tries to smile, but I see that it's forced. "Are you alright?".  
I hide my hands behind my back not wanting him to worry and nod.  
"Good", he lets out a breath that he's been holding.  
Cartman lets out a moan.  
"Oh shut up Cartman, we both know that I didn't hit you that hard", he turns around, "but you won't be that lucky next time".  
I blend the two boys out and turn to Kyle, he still seems in shock. He's looking at me now and I think he's about to cry. I know that he would hate to let Cartman see him like this, so I do what a good friend would do.  
I walk to stand right beside him and take his hand, lightly pulling him from the scene. Every other boy would have probably slapped my hand away. Two boys walking hand in hand, that's well gay. But Kyle is gay so I don't have to worry about it. It's not like we're holding hands like a couple would do either, I'm just dragging him with me. When we're far away from Cartman I let go of his hand.  
We're standing in a little park, there's a bench right next to us and some kids are playing on the grass. Couples are having a pick nick and parents are looking after their children. Everything looks so happy and peaceful, but I know better than that.  
Kyle lets out a sign and sits down on the little bench. "Thank you Butters. I know you helped me back then. I just needed to get away from there, away from Cartman I guess".  
"You didn't want him to know how much he's hurt you, I get that", I give him an encouraging smile.  
"Yes, I think that's it".  
I hear steps behind me and turn around. It's Kenny, he's followed us to the park. Cartman is nowhere in sight, so I relax a bit.  
"You okay Kyle?", Kenny has one arm around me now, pulling me as close as possible, but looking at Kyle with honest concern.  
"Yes, sure, I just need a second. Thanks though", Kyle smiles.  
Kenny seems calmer now, that he knows that we're both safe. He lets his guard down and wraps his other arm around me too. I don't move as he hugs me, just leaning against him. When I'm with Kenny I feel safe and I need this comfort right now. What happened with Cartman, how I tried to stand up for myself and Kyle was the right thing to do, but it also scared me to death. I just need a few seconds to calm down.  
"I was so worried Butters", he whispers the words into my ear.  
His eyes are locked with mine.  
I shiver from his words. It shows me just how much he cares. How impossible this all is. I expect every minute for Cartman to come back and ruin this moment, but nothing happens. Kenny is still there, he is still embracing me and whatever it is that I feel for him, I know it won't go away any time soon.  
"I'm just happy that you're here", I smile at him, it's a tired smile, one you'd get from a sleepy child, but he doesn't seem care. Just when I think that he's about to kiss me again, he winks at me : "Not here Butters" and turns around to where a very surprised Kyle is sitting.  
He eyes us with a half smirk, like he knows exactly what's going on, he just doesn't want to believe it.  
"I want to say "thank you "Kyle. I know in the past years we haven't exactly been the best friend anymore, but I always thought that from the four of us back then, you've always been the most ... honest one.", he sighns, obviously feeling a bit uneasy," Look, I don't want to sound cheesy now, so I'll get right to the point, you've helped Butters today. For some reason you decided to stand up for him and I want to say thank you for that. Who knew our little Jew had it in him to be a fighter?", he smirks now, the seriousness being gone from his face again.  
"You're welcome Kenny".

**A/N:** Yay, finally got this done. See I told you Kenny would appear ;)  
As you can see Mysterion dindn't show up** It'sAllGooeyAndSticky, **but maybe Kenny will do some cosplay for Butters later :P Thanks for your comments though :) I really think Kenny should do some bad ass cosplay for Butters once ;)


	10. Chapter Eight

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: K+**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the Characters in this story.**

**Chapter: 8**

„I don't really feel like going back to school right now", Kyle sighs and eyes us.  
Automatically I begin to feel uneasy. I never skipped classes before and I'm sure that my parents would use it as an excuse to ground me again. Kenny squeezes my shoulders.  
Can he feel my muscles getting tense? But he only smiles down at me.  
"It's up to you Butters. I sure as hell won't pressure you", and then he leans down to me nodding in Kyle's direction as he whispers in my ear, "But it will be a good chance at making friends, don't you think?".  
Kyle didn't seem to notice and for that I'm grateful. He doesn't need to know how much I wish to have friends. But he was nice to me before, so I decide to accept his offer.  
"Sure, I mean once won't harm right?", I try to sound convinced, but in reality I'm all nervous and hoping that I will survive feeling this guilty.  
Kenny smirks and Kyle's face gets a bit of its normal color back.  
"Really?", he asks and looks actually surprised that we'd agree to spend time with him.  
I wonder why that is, since he was always part of the popular kids, because he is the best friend of our beloved quarterback.  
But then again, I've rarely seen these two together lately.  
Kenny takes his hands off me and walks towards Kyle who is still sitting on the bench.  
"Wouldn't want to miss a chance on skipping math".  
I cringe and he rolls his eyes.  
"So anyone's got an idea what to do?".  
"Well I've never skipped class before, so I wouldn't know", I mutter to myself.  
Kenny laughs, "Well then Kyle and I will make your first time something worth remembering, right Kyle?".  
I blush at his choice of words, but Kyle seems to be back to his old self.  
"Oh I'm sure we will. Back then we were experts at these kind of things", he seems lost for a moment, before he continues happily, "How about we go to Cartman's house? He has a huge flat screen TV and a lot of games".  
We both stare at him wanting him to go on and explain.  
Kyle smirks, "He won't be home until after school and his mom has to work at this time".  
Kenny stops him, "I get that you'd want to get revenge on him, but how do we get in?".  
I want to say how revenge isn't right and that it'll bring nothing, but trouble, but Kyle is already going on with his plan.  
"I have a spar key, he gave it to me right after we started dating, so that I could sneak in at night when his mom was working", he stops himself, probably remembering something that has to do with Cartman.  
"Why would you want to sneak in at night?", I ask confused.  
Kenny laughs and Kyle starts to blush.  
"They probably wanted to have some _private_ time Buttercup", Kenny says still smirking.  
"Shut up Kenny!".  
How could I be so stupid, they have been a couple for almost five months now, of course, they'd want to take their relationship to the next level.  
I think of Kenny's kiss and blush. Do I want to go further?  
But no, Kenny and I aren't like those two.  
We are not a couple.  
But then why did I kiss him?  
"Butters?", Kyle takes me by surprise, "You don't need to listen to Kenny, he's just talking nonsense", and then lowering his voice", We haven't gone _that _far".  
"What are you two whispering about?", Kenny asks.  
"That's our secret right, Butters?", Kyle winks at me.  
"Right…!", I smile back at him.  
Kenny's eyes darken for a second. He takes a step towards me and grabs my hand.  
I automatically begin to blush, as he drags me away.  
Kyle seems surprised for a second until Kenny's expression is back to normal and he turns to Kyle.  
"Well what are you waiting for, to Cartman house it's that way".  
"Coming", Kyle says rushing to our side.  
We walk down the streets and I nervously look to all sides expecting someone to notice the three teenagers that should be in school right now.  
But nobody seems to care and so I begin to relax.  
Kenny's and my hand are still entwined and I can't help but smile  
Maybe today will be a good day after all.

**A/N: It has been a long time since I last updated. I don't know if anyone still wants to read this story, but I really wanted to continue and write til I think the story is finished. I don't like leaving a story unfinished and I always hated it when authors of my favorite fanfic's did that, so I will at least try to finish this story. :)  
Right now I'm mainly working on another story, but I will still update from time to time! 3  
Thanks for reading and commenting, I love reading comments. Everyone who writes stories of their own will understand how amazing it is to get feedback. **


	11. Chapter Nine

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: K+**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the Characters in this story.**

**Chapter: 9**

„I'm not sure that this is legal", I mutter, when Kyle finally manages to find the right key.  
He only rolls his eyes at my remark and opens the door anyway. I breathe out hastily, already feeling nervous.  
_Pull yourself together Butters_! It not like you're stealing something and besides, it was Cartman who gave Kyle the keys.  
Which turned out to be a dumb mistake, if you ask me.  
Kenny takes my hand again and with a reassuring nod, he pulls me into the huge house.  
Of course I've never been here before, Cartman and I aren't exactly best buddies, so why would he invite me in?  
The walls are painted in a pretty yellow color that reminds you of a warm summer day. There are flowers in big vases and a cupboard, with family portraits on it.  
It all seems so peaceful and happy, not at all what you'd have expected Cartman's house to be like.  
Kyle seems to be taken aback for a second, but when he notices me staring, he just smiles at me.  
He's obviously hiding something from us. I look at Kenny to see if he noticed, but he's already walking into what appears to be the kitchen.  
"Kyle?", I begin, when I'm sure Kenny's out of reach.  
"Not now Butters. I don't want to talk about it", when he looks at me, I can feel that he's exhausted and that what has happened earlier has affected him more than he wants to admit.  
He suddenly looks like a different version of the Kyle I used to know.  
Something about being in Cartman's house obviously seems to pain him. And suddenly I realize.  
"You love him". I didn't even mean to say it out loud, but the second I do, Kyle's eyes widen in shock.  
"I'm not gonna tell anyone, I swear, I just…", I start, wanting to apologize.  
"Shut up. I don't want Kenny to find out, it's bad enough that you found out", he looks at the ground and sighs. I take a step forward him, "So it's true then? You and Cartman? It's not just some game?"  
Kyle laughs, "For him it probably was. I'm some kind of joke for him, that's what I am. I can't believe I thought he'd changed. It's just that when we were alone", he looks up at me and I can see that his eyes have become shiny, he's really trying to pull himself together, "It hurts Butters. What he did today…it's like…".  
"You guys coming or what?", Kenny screams from the kitchen.  
Me and Kyle freeze. We both look at each other for a second, before Kyle takes a deep breath and begins to walk into the kitchen.  
"Please don't tell anyone".  
"I promise".

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"So what are we gonna do now?", Kenny asks laying the remote on the ground, letting his hand rest on my waist, with me sitting on his lap, not because I choose to, but because when I stumbled over Kyle's empty coke can it was him who caught me.  
He hasn't let go of me since then, which is pretty much embarrassing, but also really comfortable at the same time.  
He and Kyle have already played all of Cartman's good video games and eaten all of the popcorn and sweets, so now Kenny obviously was bored.  
"What time is it?", Kyle asks back.  
Kenny has to take his arm of me, to look at his watch and I let out a sign of relief.  
Having a bit of my own space back, feels good. It gives me time to think. About Kyle's current situation and of course also about Kenny, who is making me feel all weird right now.  
"Almost 9 P.M, why? Are there any good movies on television today?",Kenny asks.  
"Nope, but Ms. Cartman will be back at 10 o'clock, so I guess we'll have to keep that time in mind".  
Kenny just shrugs.  
"We could make his room a mess, you know destroy some things, write something nasty on his mirror", Kenny looks as if he's serious, but I hope he's only trying to cheer Kyle up. I really don't want anything to do with some stupid revenge plans.  
But Kyle also doesn't want that. "Don't be ridiculous Ken. We're no criminals. Cartman's got what he deserved, we probably ate his whole sweets for at least a week", he laughs, but I see that it's faked.  
Kenny also notices and stops making suggestions.  
Suddenly I just want to get out of here and get some fresh air, all this uneasiness makes me tired and nervous.  
I want to know more about what is bothering Kyle, but I also don't want to pressure him.  
On the other hand I can see that he's sad and I want to help. It's frustrating, so I decide to leave the room for a bit.  
I clumsily stand up and untangle myself from Kenny, who looks at me with one eyebrow quirked.  
"I just need to go to the toilet for a second".  
"Sure, take your time".  
"The third door on the left", Kyle screams after me.  
I nod, but I won't go there anyway, so there is no need to listen.  
Instead I turn right, hoping that this is the way to the front door, but it only leads me to a dead end. I stop. I could turn around and go on searching, this house isn't that big, so it couldn't take me that long.  
Or I could just open that door. The one with 7 golden letters glued on it.  
C-A-R-T-M-A-N. Oh I would be lying if I wasn't curious.  
How often had he been mean to me? And now was my time to just sneak into his room and ….and what? Do what Kenny said and destroy his things? God, how pathetic that would be.  
No, but he stole my bag first and it was him who looked through all my things, while rudely throwing some of them on the ground , so it was only fair, if I now invaded his personal space and take a look at his room , _right?_

A/N: So here it finally is: Chapter 9. I already know where this is going, which is good, because it won't take me that long to upload then :)  
Excited what Butters might find in Cartman's room ? Hehe, I already know what it's going to be …and what effect it will have on a certain character :O :P  
**Also please give my new story "That Look In Your Eyes" a try.**

**Link: /s/7235198/1/That_Look_In_Your_Eyes (Just type in the fan fiction . net before that )  
**

I've tried very hard on that one.  
It's about Pip and Damien and even if you're not familiar with that couple please just give it a try :)  
Thanks a lot and of course, let me know by writing comments on either this or my other story what you think or what I could do better.


	12. Chapter Ten

**Title: Make Me Whole**

**Pairing: Butters x Kenny**

**Raiting: K+**

**Author: Crazyneko09**

**Disclaimer: I don´t own the characters in this story.**

**Chapter: 10**

**A/N:** I'm sooooooooooo sorry for not updating earlier. You guys are great, your kind comments were what made me continue this story after all. Thank you :)

_Butters POV:_

There are goosebumps all over my arms when I open the door.  
I nervously take a deep breath before giving the open door a push.  
It doesn't' squeak like in the movies. I glance behind me, just to make sure that there's no scowling Cartman or anyone else standing behind me.  
I'm beyond scared when I enter the room and take a first glance inside.  
But my fear soon turns into disbelief when I see the stuffed animals lying on Erics bed and notice the blue walls and the flower bouquet on the windowsill.  
The room doesn't represent the impression that I have of Cartman at all.  
There's a huge TV-screen and a computer on a desk, there are energy drinks lying around the room and I even spot a knife, but I also see the green frog that is staring at me from across Cartmans bed.  
There is a small smile on my lips. Cartman can't honestly still be playing with stuffed animals.  
"So after all you're just a normal human being too, huh", the words leave my mouth without thinking.  
But I realize that they are true. Deep down inside even Cartman must have a good side…even if he doesn't show it.  
But then why is Cartman always this angry with everyone? Why doesn't he stop the act and just be ….nice?  
Yeah, like that's ever going to happen, I think.  
I'm just about to walk out of the room when I notice a red book lying at the end of the bed.  
It looks used, some pages seem loose, their edges hanging out of the book.  
Slowly I take a step forward. Uh uuuuh.  
The word _diary_ is printed onto the cover.

**IIII**

_(Back to Kenny and Kyle, remember they were in Cartmans living room ;) )_

"We should probably get going. Cartmans mom is going to be back in about 20 minutes", the red haired teenager said, collecting all the used cans on the ground.  
Even though Kyle had said that he wanted to pay Cartman back for what he did, he just couldn't leave the room looking like a mess.  
It wouldn't be fair to Miss Cartman, she was already working late and whenever Kyle had seen her come home, through Erics window she had looked so exhausted and small.  
Kyle had never asked his boyfriend about his mothers job, had never asked if the rumors were actually true. He didn't dare. Of course Liane had never known that Kyle was sleeping in her house, Cartman had made sure of that.  
Their relationship was a secret, nobody could know about it. But eventually people had found out about it and Cartman had made them believe that their relationship wasn't based on feelings.  
Back then Kyle had thought that he'd only said that, because he felt exposed.  
But now he wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe he has played me all along, Kyle thought bitterly.  
"I'll fetch Butters".  
"What?", Kyle asked taken aback.  
The blonde teenager gave Kyle a sad smile, "Don't force yourself Kyle, there's no need to play tough".  
"I'm not acting", Kyle said halfheartedly. He felt tired, betrayed, heartbroken, but what did Kenny care? He never had his heart broken, he just fooled around with people. He didn't involve feelings into his relationships and he didn't have to feel the pain of being rejected.  
"Whatever you say Kyle", Kenny said leaving the room.  
Kyle signed, was re really that easy to read?  
Butters had already noticed and now Kenny. What if others noticed?  
They would laugh about his stupidity. And he should be laughing too.  
Eric Cartman would never develop feelings for him, ever.

**IIII**

10th August

Dear Diary,

I kissed Kyle today. You wouldn't have believed the stupid look on his face. At first he looked shocked, then disgusted and then just plain helpless.  
I was drunk you know? I don't think I would have done it otherwise.  
I don't know what made me do it, maybe it was his arrogant reply, and maybe I just wanted to shock him. He is always so sure of himself, thinks he's so smart and knows people really well.  
Yes, I think that was it. He said he had figured me out, that I was just some spoiled brat who wanted people to pay attention to him. God that annoyed me. He thinks he knows who I am, thinks he can make up this therapist crap. So I shocked him. Took him by surprise.  
And shocked he was. Well Kyle? How well do you know me after all?

12th August

Dear Diary,

Kyle didn't tell anyone about the kiss. Clever boy. The day after, I was actually kind of nervous about what he would tell the others. Of course I would have declined it all and honestly who would have believed it anyway? But, I just didn't want Kyle to tell anyone.  
This is our fight. Our battle. It has been for ages, I don't want others to interfere.  
I like it the way it is.

13th August

Dear Diary,

I just came up with another plan. Oh it's going to be epic. I'm going to be the winner of this little game soon enough.

**IIII**

_Butters POV:_

I close the book. Disgusted by what I just read I sigh and sit down on the bed.  
I really wish for Kyle to be happy. He is so kind and smart, how could he have possibly fallen in love with Cartman? He should have known better. Cartman is a mean asshole who only loves one person and that is himself. Still, I just can't help himself.  
Kyle had sounded so wounded, so hurt. Could he have seen another side of Cartman?  
One that he keeps hidden to the rest of the world?  
Kyle had said something about Eric being different when they were alone and maybe, I think, as I touch the green stuffed animal on the bed, Cartman does have a…nicer side.  
I really want to open the diary again, but I am stopped by Kenny suddenly appearing in the room.  
Taken by surprise I let the book fall to the ground.  
"Kenny…".  
The other teenager just smirks at me.  
"Found something interesting?".  
I blush.  
"I guess I'm in trouble then huh?, I say looking to the ground.  
"That depends", Kenny says closing the door behind him.  
I gulp, expecting Kenny to scold me.  
"On what?".  
Kenny turns around, a big smile on his face.  
"Well I guess one kiss would be appropriate. After all I have to life with this…this horrible secret as well if I don't tell anyone".  
My eyes widen. Nervously I watch Kenny get closer. I want to say something, anything, but the words won't come out of my mouth.  
Kenny's face is now only centimeters away from mine. I wait.  
For what, I didn't know.  
Do I want to get kissed? I don't know.  
Do I want to push the other teenager away? I just didn't know!  
"Don't look so scared", Kenny suddenly says.  
"Of course I won't tell anyone. It's not like you did anything bad".  
I blink. Why did he stop?  
"I …er…I shouldn't have done it", I say taken aback.  
"Somehow I don't believe you", Kenny says sitting down on the bed. Waiting for my answer, he carefully takes my hand.  
"I know you're angry Butters. You're hurt and yes also curious. Cartman has hurt you several times and now here you are in his room. All of Cartmans secrets laid bare to you", Kenny gives my hand a squeeze, "I won't judge you".  
I look up, ashamed, not letting go of Kenny.  
"I found his diary. I think he is using Kyle. He said something about a plan and I just think Kyle should know".  
"Have you read the whole diary Butters, did you read every entry? I think you should", Kenny looks at me, there is a sad expression on his face.  
He knows something, I think.  
"Kenny…what?".  
"I was friends with Eric once too you know? If you want to know the truth you might as well read his diary. After what he did today, he can't really blame you".

**IIII**

15th August

Dear Diary,

God this is just too easy. It's like Kyle wants to believe that I suddenly turned nice over night.  
It's kind of cute how innocent his mind is, even after all those years of me tricking him over and over. I helped him today. There were some stupid boys who were making fun of his hair, they actually ripped his hat of and tried to pull his hair. I mean come on how lame is that?  
So I decided to be Kyles knight in shining armor. I beat the first one, the one who tried to pull his hair, the others just left. Of course they did. Why would they want to mess with me?  
I could have just told my friends to take care of the problem at hand, but it was important that it was me, who helped him, you know? He has to believe that I've changed.  
The look on his face when I beat that idiot was priceless. He even thanked me afterwards.  
This is going to be easy.

**IIII**

_Butters POV:_

I sign.  
"Kenny I don't know what you want me to find. This is just disgusting".  
But Kenny just carefully turns the page.  
"Just keep reading Butters".


End file.
